made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Small penises have feelings too.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
