So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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