The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
