You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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