lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
