wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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