he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Congratulations! We have a period
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