btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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