in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
