if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
