I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
