Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
