Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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