well you can't waste a boner
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
this hospital has no fireball
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize