I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
