So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
