Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize
