I'm jealous of your bromance
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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