You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
