on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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