so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
