People with herpes should wear stickers.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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