So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
