There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
