I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
