Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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