whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
