It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
