I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
