I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
