i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
