I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize