I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You know, be my cock's hype man.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
