just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
