so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
