I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
