"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
