His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
