I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
