He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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