I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
