White coat. Heels.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
