At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just google imaged poop.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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