Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
