I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
