I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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