We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
