farters have to be the big spoon...
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
