Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
