I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
