giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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