I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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