one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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