You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
