He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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