508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
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