i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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