6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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