just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
How does one acquire holy water?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
