When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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