Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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