I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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