Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
