sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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