I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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