Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
