if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
