Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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